// literary & arts //
Fall 2016
Say "I Do" to Watching Soon by You
Barbara Kaplan-Marans and Dani Lefkowitz
That uncomfortable feeling. You know the one. You’re sitting at a Thanksgiving meal, next to that distant relative you see once a year for turkey and pumpkin pie. “Anyone special in your life these days?” pipes your prying aunt. “Nope, no one at the moment,” you reply, sinking into your seat, tinged with humiliation. This scene is especially prevalent in Modern Orthodox Jewish households, especially when it happens every week at the Shabbat table. Substitute turkey and pumpkin pie for challah and chicken soup, and your nosy Bubbe gossiping: “Did you hear that Cousin Rachel just got engaged? Nu? When is it your time?”
Soon By You, a new web-series on YouTube that trails the love stories of six Modern Orthodox twenty-somethings in New York City, taps into the universal pressure that accompanies dating. Set on the heavily Jewish Upper West Side, the show strikes a balance between Friends and the Israeli drama Srugim. It seeks to portray the awkward, yet distinctly singular experience of dating within a religious framework, and the pressure to find a spouse in a traditional, family-focused culture.
“The Setup,” the pilot episode, depicts a shidduch date—a Jewish system of matchmaking—gone awry. David, a rabbinical student, shows up for a blind date and accidentally sits down at the wrong table with a girl named Sara. He and Sara F., the girl at this table, share instantaneous chemistry. But when Sara F.’s real date, Ben, arrives, David realizes he is with the wrong girl. Dismayed, he sits down with the other Sara, Sara J., an exaggeratedly superficial character, with whom he does not connect. Both Sara F. and David meet each other surreptitiously in the bathroom waiting-area to talk during their respective dates. “The Setup” explores the desire for emotional chemistry within a rigid system.
The next episode, “The Follow Up,” traces the aftermath of the shidduch fiasco. David laments that he must call Sara J. to break up with her. David’s roommate, Noam, convinces him to search for Sara F. on a romantic quest. The rest of the episode features a hilarious romantic crusade through Manhattan to find the right Sara. While the first episode may have been geared towards those with a familiarity of the structure of a shidduch date, the second episode speaks to all romantics, defying the conventional rules of shidduch dating.
Danny Hoffman, the show’s producer, who also plays the character David, commented on the dichotomy of the first two episodes. “I don’t think that we as a show would necessarily promote the “shidduch culture” as a be-all end-all way of finding a match,” he said. Indeed, the show supports Hoffman’s view: the couple on the show that you are supposed to root for—David and Sara F.—meet in spite of the shidduch system, not because of it. Although Hoffman acknowledges that shidduchim do sometimes work, he contends that “the show seeks to show that this system is not the only means of being set up.”
The characters, like the uncharacteristic shidduch, also do not match a particular stereotype or caricature. David, for example, is a rabbinical student—not the typical image one conjures when thinking of dating. “People tend to assume rabbis are separated from modern life and even find it weird to think of a rabbi with a girlfriend,” Hoffman said. The writers specifically chose this occupation to acknowledge that many rabbinical students are like David’s character and aren’t actually so different from everyone else. “Because characters like David aren’t publicized often, we wanted to create a cool and funny rabbi who anyone could relate to.”
Perhaps the strongest aspect of the show is its accurate depiction of the dating pressures in the Modern-Orthodox community. The stress to marry at a young age is not simply a fabrication of the web-series: it is evident even in communities that span a wider religious spectrum than the show portrays. In fact, students in Columbia University’s diverse Jewish community feel similar pressure to find a partner at a young age. In the various communities within Columbia’s Hillel, many students are engaged, and even married, and countless others hope to be within the next few years, compelling them to go on similar shidduch-type dates.
The show thrives in displaying diverging views of the process: both the desire to conform with the traditional, family-focused mentality that has been ingrained in observant Jews and the competing desire to revise and modernize the system. The shidduch date doesn’t need to have a stressful connotation and it doesn't need to be entirely disregarded. Ultimately, David met Sara F. by working within the system, but was able to retain a semblance of autonomy by going after a different girl than was intended. The series forwards that these ideas need not be in direct opposition to one another, but can actually enhance each other, developing a nuanced understanding of the shidduch system.
Instead of portraying the intimidating and forced dates arranged by matchmaking services, friend recommendations, dating apps, or even a schadchan [a matchmaker], Soon By You makes the cringeworthy nature of being set up almost endearing, and allows for a quirky quality that can appeal to people of all faiths and cultures. Although Hoffman notes that the show was initially targeted at the Modern Orthodox community, he claims that the “comedy is not specific to a Jewish audience and could benefit people not part of the Modern Orthodox population as well.” Shows that narrowly describe certain communities often do not fare well, but Soon By You reaches out to viewers who differ in observance or creed by depicting common dating tribulations. In this way, Soon By You shows viewers what this particular community is like, what struggles it faces, and how these struggles may not be so different from those of other communities.
That is not to say that there aren’t flaws in the show. While it succeeds in reconstructing the understanding of a traditional shidduch and hints towards diverging views within the Modern Orthodox community, the plot and characters lack depth at points. Where the show has the most potential—in striking discourse in the Modern Orthodox community—it falls short, failing to delve deeper into controversial storylines. And despite David’s unconventional job, the other characters seem like stereotypes, lacking real complexity and diverging opinions, making the show single-faceted. Lacking nuance, the show becomes a comic story of finding love without showing any deeper meaning of what this could mean.
Despite the show’s shortcomings, Sara F. and David make a poignant statement about love and relationships when they decide to date in spite of social convention. They take their dating lives into their own hands, chasing the spark of their first interaction and seeking love in a way that is unconventional for their religious context. Their desire for love spans all demographics, even if it manifests itself in a small, idiosyncratic Jewish community. The real magic of the show lies not in its acting or plot, but instead in the potential ways it could influence how people approach the Modern Orthodox dating culture.
That uncomfortable feeling. We all know it. Soon By You recognizes it, too. Oscillating between conventional shidduch dating and fate, Soon By You suggests a new attitude towards dating in the Modern Orthodox community, one that is lighter and less intimidating. The show reminds Modern Orthodox singles to regard dating in a more casual manner, allowing things to happen naturally and serendipitously, and to not succumb to familial pressure. In this way, the show offers a new connotation to its title. “Soon by you” is no longer an ominous warning, shrouded in good intentions; instead, it is a reminder that anything can happen, soon.
Soon By You, a new web-series on YouTube that trails the love stories of six Modern Orthodox twenty-somethings in New York City, taps into the universal pressure that accompanies dating. Set on the heavily Jewish Upper West Side, the show strikes a balance between Friends and the Israeli drama Srugim. It seeks to portray the awkward, yet distinctly singular experience of dating within a religious framework, and the pressure to find a spouse in a traditional, family-focused culture.
“The Setup,” the pilot episode, depicts a shidduch date—a Jewish system of matchmaking—gone awry. David, a rabbinical student, shows up for a blind date and accidentally sits down at the wrong table with a girl named Sara. He and Sara F., the girl at this table, share instantaneous chemistry. But when Sara F.’s real date, Ben, arrives, David realizes he is with the wrong girl. Dismayed, he sits down with the other Sara, Sara J., an exaggeratedly superficial character, with whom he does not connect. Both Sara F. and David meet each other surreptitiously in the bathroom waiting-area to talk during their respective dates. “The Setup” explores the desire for emotional chemistry within a rigid system.
The next episode, “The Follow Up,” traces the aftermath of the shidduch fiasco. David laments that he must call Sara J. to break up with her. David’s roommate, Noam, convinces him to search for Sara F. on a romantic quest. The rest of the episode features a hilarious romantic crusade through Manhattan to find the right Sara. While the first episode may have been geared towards those with a familiarity of the structure of a shidduch date, the second episode speaks to all romantics, defying the conventional rules of shidduch dating.
Danny Hoffman, the show’s producer, who also plays the character David, commented on the dichotomy of the first two episodes. “I don’t think that we as a show would necessarily promote the “shidduch culture” as a be-all end-all way of finding a match,” he said. Indeed, the show supports Hoffman’s view: the couple on the show that you are supposed to root for—David and Sara F.—meet in spite of the shidduch system, not because of it. Although Hoffman acknowledges that shidduchim do sometimes work, he contends that “the show seeks to show that this system is not the only means of being set up.”
The characters, like the uncharacteristic shidduch, also do not match a particular stereotype or caricature. David, for example, is a rabbinical student—not the typical image one conjures when thinking of dating. “People tend to assume rabbis are separated from modern life and even find it weird to think of a rabbi with a girlfriend,” Hoffman said. The writers specifically chose this occupation to acknowledge that many rabbinical students are like David’s character and aren’t actually so different from everyone else. “Because characters like David aren’t publicized often, we wanted to create a cool and funny rabbi who anyone could relate to.”
Perhaps the strongest aspect of the show is its accurate depiction of the dating pressures in the Modern-Orthodox community. The stress to marry at a young age is not simply a fabrication of the web-series: it is evident even in communities that span a wider religious spectrum than the show portrays. In fact, students in Columbia University’s diverse Jewish community feel similar pressure to find a partner at a young age. In the various communities within Columbia’s Hillel, many students are engaged, and even married, and countless others hope to be within the next few years, compelling them to go on similar shidduch-type dates.
The show thrives in displaying diverging views of the process: both the desire to conform with the traditional, family-focused mentality that has been ingrained in observant Jews and the competing desire to revise and modernize the system. The shidduch date doesn’t need to have a stressful connotation and it doesn't need to be entirely disregarded. Ultimately, David met Sara F. by working within the system, but was able to retain a semblance of autonomy by going after a different girl than was intended. The series forwards that these ideas need not be in direct opposition to one another, but can actually enhance each other, developing a nuanced understanding of the shidduch system.
Instead of portraying the intimidating and forced dates arranged by matchmaking services, friend recommendations, dating apps, or even a schadchan [a matchmaker], Soon By You makes the cringeworthy nature of being set up almost endearing, and allows for a quirky quality that can appeal to people of all faiths and cultures. Although Hoffman notes that the show was initially targeted at the Modern Orthodox community, he claims that the “comedy is not specific to a Jewish audience and could benefit people not part of the Modern Orthodox population as well.” Shows that narrowly describe certain communities often do not fare well, but Soon By You reaches out to viewers who differ in observance or creed by depicting common dating tribulations. In this way, Soon By You shows viewers what this particular community is like, what struggles it faces, and how these struggles may not be so different from those of other communities.
That is not to say that there aren’t flaws in the show. While it succeeds in reconstructing the understanding of a traditional shidduch and hints towards diverging views within the Modern Orthodox community, the plot and characters lack depth at points. Where the show has the most potential—in striking discourse in the Modern Orthodox community—it falls short, failing to delve deeper into controversial storylines. And despite David’s unconventional job, the other characters seem like stereotypes, lacking real complexity and diverging opinions, making the show single-faceted. Lacking nuance, the show becomes a comic story of finding love without showing any deeper meaning of what this could mean.
Despite the show’s shortcomings, Sara F. and David make a poignant statement about love and relationships when they decide to date in spite of social convention. They take their dating lives into their own hands, chasing the spark of their first interaction and seeking love in a way that is unconventional for their religious context. Their desire for love spans all demographics, even if it manifests itself in a small, idiosyncratic Jewish community. The real magic of the show lies not in its acting or plot, but instead in the potential ways it could influence how people approach the Modern Orthodox dating culture.
That uncomfortable feeling. We all know it. Soon By You recognizes it, too. Oscillating between conventional shidduch dating and fate, Soon By You suggests a new attitude towards dating in the Modern Orthodox community, one that is lighter and less intimidating. The show reminds Modern Orthodox singles to regard dating in a more casual manner, allowing things to happen naturally and serendipitously, and to not succumb to familial pressure. In this way, the show offers a new connotation to its title. “Soon by you” is no longer an ominous warning, shrouded in good intentions; instead, it is a reminder that anything can happen, soon.
BARBARA KAPLAN-MARANS is a sophomore in Barnard College and Layout Editor of The Current. She can be reached at [email protected]. DANI LEFKOWITZ is a sophomore in Barnard College and Deputy Literary & Arts Editor of The Current. She can be reached at [email protected].
Photo courtesy of Soon By You.
Photo courtesy of Soon By You.